31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Progress Update- Day 7

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - PCOS 411- Day 6

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Wanting of a Baby - Hannah - Day 5

Hannah’s story is found in the books of Samuel, her name means Grace. Grace is defined as the free and unmerited favor of God.  Oh to be in the favor of God.

1 Samuel 1: 6-7 (NIV)- 6 Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat.

As I read this verse, I wondered why the Lord closed Hannah’s Womb in the first place…a small whisper from my heart responded…for his Glory….

Infertility was and continues to be a source of humiliation and shame for women.  Even in the story of Hannah we find her rival, her husband’s 2^nd wife, attacking her. With the clarity that comes from looking into the past, I am in awe of this 2^nd wife and her ability to inflict such pain, when Hannah’s infertility was clearly part of God’s Plan.  This is a lesson learned, even in the darkest of times, God is in control and is waiting for me to call out to him.

1 Samuel 1: 10-16 (NIV) -In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”12 As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Hannah went to the temple weeping, she poured out her soul to the Lord.

She made a promise in her pain.

I am cautioned by this, I cannot just go through the motions of worshiping, I much be transparent and honest in my relationship with my Lord.  I must be persistent and walk by faith.

I must Fall on your knees in front of him.

1 Samuel 1: 19-20 (NIV) -  Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[a] saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” 

Oh How I love this  “The Lord Remembered Her”. My God is so faithful. He remembers and provides. Not only the life in her womb, but he also provided a wonderful husband for Hannah. Elkanah loved her. With Double Portions, he showed God’s Love in spite of her infertility. I am very much blessed with Ryan in the same way, thankful however that he doesn’t want a second wife!

1 Samuel 1: 26-28 (NIV) - and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. 27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

 I am in Wonder of Hannah’s follow through on her promise. I cannot fathom what that moment felt like. to give your precious child back to God.  But that’s when my humanness catches in my reflection. We are all God’s children, and in my wanting, I am reminded that I too would want to dedicate the life of my Child, to my Lord.

Hannah’s Song of Praise keeps hope in my heart, as I know that the God who blessed her barren womb with Samuel, has blessings planned for me.

Song of Praise 1 Samuel 2 1-10 New International Version (NIV)

Then Hannah prayed and said:

“My heart rejoices in the Lord;

    in the Lord my horn[a] is lifted high.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

    for I delight in your deliverance.

2 “There is no one holy like the Lord;

    there is no one besides you;

    there is no Rock like our God.

3 “Do not keep talking so proudly

    or let your mouth speak such arrogance,

for the Lord is a God who knows,

    and by him deeds are weighed.

4 “The bows of the warriors are broken,

    but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,

    but those who were hungry are hungry no more.

She who was barren has borne seven children,

    but she who has had many sons pines away.

6 “The Lord brings death and makes alive;

    he brings down to the grave and raises up.

7 The Lord sends poverty and wealth;

    he humbles and he exalts.

8 He raises the poor from the dust

    and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes

    and has them inherit a throne of honor.

“For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;

    on them he has set the world.

9 He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,

    but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.

“It is not by strength that one prevails;

10     those who oppose the Lord will be broken.

The Most High will thunder from heaven;

    the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.

“He will give strength to his king

    and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - How did I get here - Day 4

So "We" really want to be three...or four...or five...or heck maybe a whole softball team! 

Ryan and I are blessed in our Marriage. We have a great thing going on, and that is a wonderful foundation to lean on. Knowing that our happiness will continue with or without our family growing is something I find comfort in. Over the years before our Wedding and after I have gained weight and didn't care much to do anything about it. I  have a husband who loves me, despite my weight. This is a wonderful attribute of the man I married, however, its also a bit of a curse that allows me to be lazy about my weight.  

The reality is I am almost 35 and I want Babies, and I will take them just about any way I can get them.  As I ponder our infertility, I often wonder we are in this trial. I know I wont know that answer this side of heaven, but I still get hung up on it. 

Philippians 4:6- Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We have started down the road to adopting, and have hit some blocks that are heart breaking and aggravating. From Money, to Moving, to Health Issues, things just haven't lined up for us.Which brings us to today. I find myself questioning if I am willing to make the sacrifices I need to, to either conceive or adopt.  I am so thankful that My Lord is a healer and that he knows the plans for my life.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

So I am focusing on the things that I know I can do. I am eating better foods, exercising, praying, reading, finding time for peace, taking herbs and medicines, and strengthening the bond with my husband.  I need to stay focused on this until I change my habits and lifestyle.  I am having to make on purpose decisions about time management, my thoughts, and what I allow to influence my world. As I walk each day, I keep my eyes on My Lord, as I know that I cannot do this without him. 

Psalm 37:4 - Take Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Week 1 Food Plan - Day 3

Four Days ago, I had wonderful plans for this week. This was wrapping up to be one of the biggest weeks in my career. What will most likely be the largest project of my career went live at 8am on Tuesday Morning.

A year of planning, sweat, and tears, lead to a wonderfully exciting moment, and me experiencing  a level of exhaustion I have never known.

I allowed my careen to to lay waste to my plans of clean eating and drinking. Junk Food, Candy, Drive Thru, Donuts and Cupcakes and a glass or bottle of something yummy derailed my plans.

Its Thursday, and although I ate two salads this week, I feel like a glutton, and failure.

My priorities were once again aligned in the wrong order. This is a lesson learned, and what I love about the the focus that this kind of challenge creates. Thank goodness is next week is a new week, and I can start all fresh.

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Week 1 Exercise Plan - Day 2

I’m working Shaun T’s Rockin’ Body program which can be found  here.

Has anyone else done this program before? 

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Welcome and Prayer - Day 1

Welcome

For the next 31 days I want be focused. I am motivated, like I've never been before.  I want to get my heart, body, and mind prepared to conceive life if God blesses us.  I'm going to use this challenge from The Nesting Place to document this journey.

My lord has been so faithful in so many other areas of my life. However, I find myself plagued with wondering if I have done my part in preparing for the conception of a child. Have I failed on my end of the bargain?  

Infertility is heart breaking; it’s overwhelming and it is an uphill battle. There are so many unanswered questions in the Medical Community, so many unknowns.  We do our best to surround ourselves with people who support and love us, however there are those who don’t understand, and use our inability to conceive as a weapon. All of this carves away at my faith and self-confidence.  Outside of continued prayer and faith in my Jesus, there are other areas that I can impact change in:

·         Healthy Choices

o   I need to lose weight. The doctors say if I lose as little as 10% it may impact my PCOS diagnosis and help regulate my hormones

o   My Ideal Body Weight is 150lbs for my height and frame. Being closer to this weight will not only help in my chances to conceive but also in my ability to parent a little one.

o   I need to change the way I eat as well as exercise on a regular basis.

o   Educate myself more on PCOS, Medications, Supplements, and Acupuncture

·         Soul and Heart Choices

o   Research Biblical stories and wisdom of barren women and their journeys.

o   Prayer – Unceasingly about this hope and what God has in store for our lives in this area.

o   Find healthy ways to deal with how “Others” feel about our struggle, and share openly with my husband who loves me so much.

o   Find ways to rest in the Faith of my Jesus, realizing that this journey will also supports our hope to adopt.

This is a list of my posts planned for the next 31 days.  I will add the links to them as the days progress.

Date	Post Title
Tuesday, October 01, 2013	Welcome and Praying for the Journey
Wednesday, October 2, 2013	Week 1 Exercise Plan
Thursday, October 03, 2013	Week 1 Meal Plan
Friday, October 04, 2013	How did I get here
Saturday, October 05, 2013	Wanting of a Baby - Hannah
Sunday, October 06, 2013	PCOS 411
Monday, October 07, 2013	Progress Update Week 1
Tuesday, October 08, 2013	Week 2 Exercise Plan
Wednesday, October 09, 2013	Week 2 Food Plan
Thursday, October 10, 2013	Hurt in the Waiting
Friday, October 11, 2013	Medicines,Vitamins, Supplements
Saturday, October 12, 2013	Wanting of a Baby - Elizabeth
Sunday, October 13, 2013	Being Enough for Him - Finding Contentment
Monday, October 14, 2013	Progress Update 2
Tuesday, October 15, 2013	Week 3 Exercise Plan
Wednesday, October 16, 2013	Week 3 Food Plan
Thursday, October 17, 2013	Questions that need answers
Friday, October 18, 2013	Infertility that Awful word
Saturday, October 19, 2013	Wanting of a Baby – Rebekah
Sunday, October 20, 2013	Juicing
Monday, October 21, 2013	Progress Update 3
Tuesday, October 22, 2013	Week 4 Exercise Plan
Wednesday, October 23, 2013	Week 4 Food Plan
Thursday, October 24, 2013	Deep Breath
Friday, October 25, 2013	Acupuncture
Saturday, October 26, 2013	Wanting of a Baby – Sarah
Sunday, October 27, 2013	Ovulation Tracking/Pregnancy Tests
Monday, October 28, 2013	Progress Update 4
Tuesday, October 29, 2013	Connecting to those who walked before us
Wednesday, October 30, 2013	What does the next 30 days hold?
Thursday, October 31, 2013	Prayer for continued Journey

Lord,

I pray for your blessing as I work to align my body in healthy ways to support the conception of a life. I pray for strength and endurance of mind and body, and everlasting hope in you.  

With Love Your Daughter