Thursday, October 10, 2013

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Hurt in the Waiting- Day 10

There is this ticking in my heart.  tick…tock…tick…tock…tick…tock

Consciously I have tucked it away so deeply, that on most days it’s only a soft reminder of the journey I am on.

Then there are days when it’s the only thing I can hear, Tick…Tock..Tick…Tock..

Waiting…I’m not terribly good at waiting. I don’t know that anyone really is. Some of us have embraced patience, better than others. But when I think about it, we wouldn't need patience if we were good at waiting.

I am cautious about sharing this clock with others.  I don’t know that many people would understand, and to others this vulnerability is a weakness that can be exploited.

Regardless the clock keeps ticking. Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock…

And I wait…with hesitation and hope that someday I will hold a child of my own.

My sweetest of friends and family often remind me that it’s “all in God’s timing” and that “God has a plan for your life”, their wisdom soothes my heart for a few moments.

But in the quiet moments of the day, when I find myself at the feet of my lord, he is quiet as I ask, Why Lord Why?

He has been so faithful in my life. I have so very much, yet this one thing haunts me, and at times the waiting has shaken me to my core.  Tick… Tock…Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock..

The waiting is lonely.

As the moments turn into days, and the days into months, and months into years…I pray for the blessing of a child.  I pray that a child is in his plan for my life. 

Tick…Tock… Tick… Tock.. Tick..Tock

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