Sunday, October 13, 2013

31 days in Anticipation of Expecting - Being Enough for Him - Finding Contentment - Day 13

Who am I?

I am a Program Manager by day, a Photographer by evening and weekend, and a writer in this little space of “Blogdom”.

I am a daughter, daughter in law, sister in law, Aunt, and Great Aunt, Niece, Grand Daughter, Cousin, and Friend.

I am a Daughter of God, Saved by my Lord.

 I am the Wife of an Amazing Man!

As I struggle with the feelings and anxiety of not having children of our own, I sometimes forget who I am.
I get selfish, and turn inward, and I pout, I am an only child after all.  I let my feelings and emotions go uncontrolled and like a tsunami they roll into just about every part of who I am.  I am not proud of this.  Changing this behavior is a challenge for me. Daily and sometimes hourly I have to step back and place all of the hurt and anger at the foot of the cross, and ask my Jesus to align my thoughts with his understanding and plan for my days.

And in those moments, I am flooded with a sense of thanksgiving and grace. My heart is touched when I remember the words of love and stillness that Ryan has expressed more times than I can count. That I am not a failure and that he is content with us, just staying us.  As I watch marriages crumble around us for so many reasons, I am blessed with a Man who faithfully lifts me up out of the emotional waves of pain, and reassures me of the Love that we found on an Island after a couple too many cocktails on a warm August afternoon 9 years ago.

That Love, These Years, and This Man deserve my best.

Reflecting on my passions and talents, I realize that although most of them help me in so many areas of my life, I don’t always apply them to my marriage. As I look back at the success that I have had in my career and other spaces of my life, I realize that applying the very best parts of me to our lives together will give me the opportunity to express my gratitude to Ryan for all that he is to me.

Passion 1 – Our God
  •        We have to get back to church on Sunday regularly.  I go to bible study on Tuesday night with the Ladies at my church, and Ryan has bible study on Monday nights with the Guys and my Dad, but we don’t have time for the two of us to regularly worship with other believers
  •      Family Worship Night – I want to invite worship into our home. I was pretty talented with instruments in my high school years.  I feel like God is calling me to pick up a guitar and play again. I would like to learn some cords so we can sing some basic songs and study the Bible once a week together. 
    •           We are currently completing the study You Make Me Crazy by Rick Warren. This study is amazing and has opened our eyes to anger and conflict management/resolution.

Passion 2 – Organization - I’m a Program/Project manager by trade, 3 generations deep.  I organize, plan, and communicate in my sleep. This stuff is just in my genetic makeup and I Love it!
  • Meal and Menu Planning – Some years in our marriage I have been really consistent with this, other years not so good.
  •  House Keeping - An updated housekeeping schedule that is workable including laundry and areas that Ryan can help me with. I do not do trashcans!
  •  Household Budget – We have some aggressive goals in our next couple of years and we need to get our house in order.
    • Find and use coupons and sales
  • Our Family Calendar and Projects 
    • We use Google Calendar which shows up on both of our phones, but I’m not always good at updating it with new events
    •  I need to be more aware of the projects he wants to work on so that we can find time on our calendar/budget to get them accomplished.
    • Organizing our Home – We have four unfinished rooms. They need paint and carpet at minimum, this need to be a priority for me.  As I start writing more and building my photography company I really need a place to work.  
  •  Date Nights – In our early years of marriage I was driven to find fun date nights for us. In the last couple of years we have been overwhelmed with conflict, cancer, job loss, infertility, and Giant Projects.  I want to get back to being focused on us planning two great date nights a month. I will take and plan one, and he can plan the other.

Passion 2 – Cooking/Baking
  • Cook simple meals on Week Nights - we are pretty busy most week nights and those crazy unhealthy  quick drive-thru restaurants call our names a little to loud.  
  •  Sunday Dinners – Ryan loves having our family and friends in our home, and Sunday Dinners are the perfect opportunity. 
  •  A Weekly Sweet Treat – I love to bake, but don’t always plan well enough to have what I need to make something super Yummy!  Ryan lives for dessert and I would love to have a special sweet treat for him to eat as the week goes by.

Passion 3 – Photography
  • Documenting us.- I put together a year book of 2012 and it is one of my treasures.  With my company taking off I need to be careful not to only focus on our clients and make sure I am documenting our lives as well.

Passion 4 – Orphan Care
  • We feel called to adopt. If you've visited here before you will see that we have started and stopped that journey a couple of times.  We need to get back on that wagon.
    • I need to pray for guidance on next steps of our own journey, and ask Ryan to do the same. I want to not only say Yes, but live Yes!
    •  Look for opportunities where we can serve together in the area of Orphan Care. 

No comments:

Post a Comment