A storm rages...in the heat of October

My husband had cancer...he's had it twice

I don't even know how to pronounce it.....although according to his doctors in a quiet conversation..."Its the bad stuff"

After what feels like 300 syllables...it always ends with Cancer

Scars on his head tell the story of two surgeries. Two very painful parts of his life, that I'd missed.

Until now...

He has a new growth, one that we both wanted to forget and not see.

The growth has grown...we couldn't forget...the pain started...the aggravation...the unknown storm started brewing

But then...all storms are unknown...Its the not knowing that hurts me.

Not knowing what the doctors would do...

Not knowing how bad the biopsy would hurt him...

Not knowing how his struggle would break my heart...

Not knowing how many layers of tissue are left...and if it will metastasize into something else...

In the midst of this October heat wave, I find myself in an all consuming storm of fear.

As we wait for a phone call to confirm our fears...I ponder if I am strong and faithful enough to give this journey with my sweet husband to the Lord.

I know the captain of this ship Loves us. I know the captain of our ship has a plan.

I only wish I knew where our destination was....