My Husband

has cancer...

That sounds funny to me...as if he "has a Job", or "has a hat on", or "has a stomach ache"...

It doesn't seem so foreboding when I read the statement.

But that little statement is life changing.

He had surgery on Wednesday. It was a "simple" procedure that revealed a not so simple recovery.

The cancer has spread passed the soft tissue on his scalp to the bone of his skull.  He will need at least another surgery and now chemo or radiation therapy.

My heart is breaking, the fear takes over my thoughts, this is our worst nightmare coming true.

He is so brave, so strong, he is my heart.

I don't have many words...I ponder the very best and very worst of these situations. And find myself praying constantly.

My God is Good, My God is in Control,and My God loves my husband.

I am so thankful that our Jobs are being so supportive. We are super blessed by the support of our family and friends.

I know that we are in this season of life for divine reasons...I watch with anticipation for the almighty hand on our path.

Making Christmas at the Taylor House

We decorated my Parents house for Christmas today. It was great fun!

A storm rages...in the heat of October

My husband had cancer...he's had it twice

I don't even know how to pronounce it.....although according to his doctors in a quiet conversation..."Its the bad stuff"

After what feels like 300 syllables...it always ends with Cancer

Scars on his head tell the story of two surgeries. Two very painful parts of his life, that I'd missed.

Until now...

He has a new growth, one that we both wanted to forget and not see.

The growth has grown...we couldn't forget...the pain started...the aggravation...the unknown storm started brewing

But then...all storms are unknown...Its the not knowing that hurts me.

Not knowing what the doctors would do...

Not knowing how bad the biopsy would hurt him...

Not knowing how his struggle would break my heart...

Not knowing how many layers of tissue are left...and if it will metastasize into something else...

In the midst of this October heat wave, I find myself in an all consuming storm of fear.

As we wait for a phone call to confirm our fears...I ponder if I am strong and faithful enough to give this journey with my sweet husband to the Lord.

I know the captain of this ship Loves us. I know the captain of our ship has a plan.

I only wish I knew where our destination was....

Death Box - Day 1

So we got the Insanity Workout...affectionately named "The DEATH box".

Which is another reason why I shouldn't stay up late to watch night time TV...

Something happens in the middle of the night..
I find myself feeling like a world conqueror...who has the strenghth of wonder woman...

Oh..goodness...

So I thought I would record my 60 day journey here. I am sure that it will take a couple rounds to get to my goal weight..but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

Day 1 - is the first of 4 Fitness Tests (Hardest test I've ever taken)

You work on a set of exercises and record the number of times you complete the exercises in a minute.

You have two wonderfully fit (androids) to observe while you sweat to death...

Here are my numbers:

Starting Weight: 257 lbs
Starting Blood Sugar: 331

Fit Test Results

1. Switch Kicks - 48
2. Power Jacks - 20
3. Power Knees - 56
4. Power Jumps - 20
5. Globe Jumps - 6
6. Suicide Jumps - 1
7. Push up Jacks - 1
8. Low Plank Oblique - 8

I worked out at 5:30 am...and by 8:00 am...my body was hurting...

Step into my brokeness...

I feel blessed by my Jesus.

I feel blessed by those he has put in my path.

I feel blessed to call them friends.

Ecclesiastes 4 – For if they fall, the one will life up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls, and hath not another to life him up.

As we walk down this path of adoption to grow our family, I have felt very lonely.  

I was reminded of this specifically this past weekend. I met a new sister in Christ as I volunteered at our Women’s Bibles Study table between services.  She asked if I had kids. I replied with my canned response, “Not yet, were working on that. But we have Puppies”.  You see that response protects me. It’s the positive spin that leaves me an out to talk about the 4 legged furry creatures in my life, instead of admitting the hurt and failure that I feel to a stranger.

A few minutes went by, we talked to other ladies and then she leaned over again and asked… “Can I ask you a personal question”.  In most circumstances I would have been a little apprehensive about this question, but I thought and replied, “Sure why not!” In the next few moments I found myself profoundly thankful that I had agreed to volunteer .  Her question was personal both from her story and mine. “Are you having a hard time conceiving?” As time went by I learned that she had adopted, and was an advocate for adopting. She was open, sweet, and warm and more than willing to share with me. She shared hope, and a since of sisterhood. I once again realized that I wasn’t alone, not only because I belong to a God who loves me, but because he has a very unique way of aligning me with those who have walked the path before me.

Psalm 71:14 –But I will hope continually, and will praise thee yet more and more.

I am thankful today. Thankful for the new friend I get to add to my circle. Thankful for her wiliness to step into my brokenness and share her hope. Thankful for a Lord who understands my heart like no other.

 

What I'm Loving Wednesday

This week I'm joining in for What I'm Loving Wednesday

What I’m Loving Wednesday

I’m Loving: Crescent Dogs….we tried this for dinner tonight…it was supper Yummy!

  

I’m Loving: Silly Puppies who beg for cheese. (I don’t know how they know the sound of the cheese drawer…but they come a running!

 

I’m Loving: that my Tuesday Evening Women’s Bible Study is back up and running for the fall!

Boy oh boy have I missed these Ladies! They are such a blessing, we are studying Jonah for the fall and its super exciting!

 I’m Loving: My Recent Pinterest Ponderings

This seems so true, especially as I look back a year from today!

This should be my life motto these days

This is just a powerfully sexy Truth. I wish more women understood this!

This has happened so many times in the past couple months...I've lived in the minds of quite a few
emotional experiences, and realized more than one person was watching me...

A fabulous Reminder!!

  I’m Loving: My new Bath and Body Works Fall Candles in Leaves, Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut, and Marshmallow Fireside. Note the cute pumpkin candle holder….So stinking cute!!

I’m also Loving: My new Bath and Body Works Fall Hand Soap in Warm Apple Cider, Black Cherry Merlot, and Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin.

 

What are you Loving?

Movie Ramblings - The Birds

1963's The Birds

Things we learned

1. Always match your lipstick to your nail polish

2. Send the Man upstairs

3. Never smoke a cigar by a gas station

4. Everyone should own a percolator coffee maker

5. Always have enough wood in the house to burn for at least 10 hours

And the most important thing we learned... When in doubt take the truck and take the garage door out with it.