Signs

I pray for signs alot these days. I find myself longing for God to make himself known.

I pray for signs for my friends and loved ones. I ask for things like open doors, and  beautiful sunrises, and gifts of friendship.

I want them to know the God I know, and to feel his peace and comfort during difficult times.

I long for them to feel the hope and encouragement of their creator, to understand that they truly are not alone.

And then once in awhile I pray for a sign myself. During our journey to grow our family we have be met with lots of challenges.  From a disrupted adoption, to some infertility issues, I have felt myself longing to meet my Lord and know that he is near. I have cried out in anxiety hoping that he would provide direction and proof that he is here and in control.

Those times are much too quiet and dark. My humanness starts to fill my heart, and I plague myself with questions of doubt and disbelief, and then I start to see signs.

Signs like every time I start to become uncertain about our choice to adopt, and I start to consider giving up I find myself connected with a member of the Adoption Triad. Either a Birth Mother, and Adopted Child, or an Adoptive Parent that strengthens my resolve.

Most recently Mr.Schaaf and I were driving home and out of the night sky an Owl flew majestically across ahead of us. Just Earlier that day I had found my thoughts very dark as my heart was missing and longing for more time with my grandparents, and the family of my childhood. I have always longed to provide that to a child, and now those who I held most precious as a child are growing old and returning home to my lord.

The Moment the owl crossed our windshield, my heart groaned.  Owl's were something my My Dad's Mom collected. Mar as she was affectionately known, took a huge piece of my heart when she was called home to heaven. I am of her.  That moment, that owl, was a sign. A sign from my almighty God.  A sign saying He is in control, He has always been in control, He will not let me Go.

I asked for a sign, a sign that the path we are one is one that will Glorify him. I ask for a sign that I would know, I would feel, one that my heart would understand. As faithful as he is...he gave me just the sign I needed.