2/28/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

We love this sweet family so much! What great fun we had with them as we played and ate a quick meal together. We are thankful to be included in their day to day lives!

Things I've Learned in February

I am joining in with Emily Freeman for Lets share what we've learned February. 

1. I’ve learned 5 chords, and something called a Power Cord in the three weeks since Guitar Class started! I have also learned that my fingers although a small part of my body can create great pain when practicing or playing for that matter. 

I have also had to acknowledge that as many times as I went to battle with my Dad on music theory and understanding during my growing up years, he really does have an amazing grasp on it! However, it’s a little uncomfortable for me to be stuck between his version of a C cord and my Guitar Instructors version.  How many fingers and strings does it take to make a C cord??….This girl may never know.

I am looking forward to playing my first praise song soon! 

2. I found a new way to interact with books and a new Author that I enjoy. I just love audible.com.  I have a pretty insane reading plan going on, and just when I was set with what I wanted to read for the next few months, I find more books that capture my mind….Shiny Object Syndrome you all! BIRD! Being able to listen to books in the car when I am driving around on my own, allows me to totally multitask my reading!

Recently I came across Linda Lafferty’s The Bloodletter's Daughter, thanks to Amazon and their wonderful “I think you should read” emails. I just love how the epic Amazon cloud knows me so well! This piece of historic fiction captured me mind, body and soul. The story of the Hapsburg Court in Prague in the 1600’s was a whole new world to me, and I dove in. A bastard Prince, a beautiful young girl, a blood-letter, a coded book of wonder, and obsession and tragedy who wouldn't enjoy spending a few hours in the world Lafferty creates.

After recovering from the final chapters of The Bloodletter’s Daugher, I found myself wishing for more stories of her’s to read, so I started The House of Bathory this week. I am finding that this tale crossing centuries and miles has again captured my imagination.

3. I learned that Girl Scout Cookies are of the Devil. This isn't the first time I've learned this, I am glad to have multiple opportunities’ to let it stick.  I don’t know what more to say about that

4. I learned from Ryan that President Obama is trying to protect a two inch fish, or well a whole endangered species of them. This is how Ryan finds ways to make Politics Interesting. Just add some sea creatures to the mix and I am all ears! I don’t quite know how to feel about this. I was raised with an environment interest especially around sea creatures. I am really very taken with just about anything that lives in the ocean.  But I wonder how things like this make it across our President’s desk.  Especially when there are so many other environmental and life changing issues to be sorted out. 

  

5. I learned that with enough rain our pool will overflow… Thanks to the Storm of the year hitting Southern California right now! I also learned that my mother in law is a very patient woman, despite her daughter in laws silly questions. I'm a pretty lucky girl!

2/27/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

This man is my hero! His determination and constant love has kept me feeling better every day! He is so attentive to all of my whining and grouchiness. I don't know what I would do without him!
He is my definition of rest these days!

2/26/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

These are my Foxy earrings from My Flat in London. The Designer of this company took some time off to raise her children. I really respect her decision in this, and it helps to empower me when I think about my career, and staying home to raise babies. I find rest in my thoughts when I learn stories of successful women both in their home life and careers.

Thanks to my Momma for getting these for me! They make smile!

2/25/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Sick and Working…no Rest for the Project Manager with a Project going live…truly feeling like this is Hell Week!

2/24/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Nothing like a little rain to stop Southern California Productivity. I am so thankful for Ryan and his mad rain driving skills. He was so sweet and let me rest on our way to an from work while we dealt with "California Storm Watch 2014".

2/23/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

We are dog sitting for my parents. This sweet girl and her Lion face cracks me up! Nothing better than a house full of puppies to bring smiles and laughs, which is a wonderful way to embrace rest to get well!

2/22/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

These are two of the the cutest nurses around! This is their version of bed side care! Having their cute faces around helped me rest and keep my spirits up while I was down with this flu bug from the gates of hades.

2/21/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

We had a play date with our God Babies tonight!

This may not look like rest to most people, and we were a bit tired after it was all said and done, but we had a blast!  These two add so much joy to our world! We love seeing them change as they grow!!!  Love Love Love them!

I am a Reject

Welcome if you are stopping in from Kelly's Korner and Show us Your Life!!

I am a reject.  Is that too discouraging, too hopeless, too real?

I can remember in my teenage years and early 20’s knowing that getting pregnant before I was married could be the worst sin I could possibly commit.  So I didn’t. 

Now after almost 7 years of married life for multiple reasons, we are still childless. 

I feel like in this most basic cultural standard, as a woman, I am a reject.   

As I look back to my younger years, I was so naive in my dreams. I was so sure that I would have children. I would be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that this was still my dream.  We rejoice with our family and friends as they create new life! We love that we have been included to celebrate in birthdays, showers, and announcements! I cherish the opportunities I have had to document these moments with my Camera .  

As each month passes and “Aunt Flow” arrives, I realize just how important having a child is to me!

I’ve written a few times about this struggle here on my little piece of blogdom.  Although I don’t always want to focus on this struggle here, it is a very real part of my life story.  You can find out more about this journey here , here , and here. 

I am currently in a cycle of change on multiple fronts. I put together a pretty crazy mind map of my goals for 2014 which has helped me focus on areas of my life that needed direction and action.  One of these areas is my health. You can read about the eating and exercise challenge that I am currently working here, and some recent results here. 

When I complete the 24 day challenge, I am going to start drinking this Fertility Smoothie in the mornings for breakfast! I am hoping that this with weight loss and diabetes control will to regulate my hormones. 

Another big area of focus for me is adding “Rest" to my life. You can read about the “One Little Word” workshop I am participating in here.  I am actively finding ways to invite moments of Rest into my busy world. This is a weird phenomenon for me.  I come from a family of origin that with good intention plans fun and productivity into every spare moment available. This was a way of life for me, and although it’s not a bad thing, it can add emotional pressure that turns into physical stress which is not good for my body.  After experiencing cycles of complete exhaustion and guilt laden inactivity with days of manic multitasking and finished to-do lists, I am on a voyage to find a place where finding rest is valued and a priority amongst the other priorities I have.  Using Capture Your 365  am documenting something every day that gives me rest, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or mentally! 

I am also focusing on my relationship with my Lord. He is the author and creator of life and family! I am working to daily find a connection with him, to strengthen the relationship I have with Prayer and Praise.  In the midst of feeling rejected by our culture, I find myself blessed to be loved by the King of Kings.  There is peace that comes from stopping and becoming whole in the Love of my Lord. He alone restores my soul, and in my darkest moments gives me hope. 

I am adding the book Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake to my reading list in the next couple months. Her book focuses on seeking God’s heart in the middle of infertility. We are also going to be attending Choose Joy in May. I pray that I can use both of these as opportunities to find comfort and harmony with what God’s plan is for my life as we struggle with infertility. We are fully onboard with adopting into our family as well. Doors continue to open and close as we walk this path, and we pray to see God’s direction clearly.

This is the hard stuff of life; it lurks in the shadows of the essence of who I am!  It flavors my days and nights. I know that my God is big enough to handle this! Prayer, searching, and action continue, and with faith I confidently walk forward with hope that our family will become 3.  My God is a lover of the Rejects, and has been proven faithful to those who seek him and his will in their lives. 

If you too are on this crazy path of infertility I would love to hear from you.

2/20/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Guitar Class #2
It feels strange to use my brain for music again. Its a place of vulnerability and passion that I haven't tapped into for a very long time. After practicing and debating chord structure with my Dad I went to class feeling a bit nervous that maybe I wasn't playing correctly and wouldn't be prepared!

The class went really smooth and we learned two more cords. There were moments where I was able to switch between cords without much thought, which gave me rest.

2/19/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Crockpot Pot Roast and Broccoli for our dinner. It was healthy and amazingly yummy! I find rest in good choices likes this.

2/18/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Chicken, Asparagus, Multi-whole grain Pasta. Healthy Comfort Food, good for both emotional stability and our new lifestyle!! I am finding rest in find new recipes for clean eating!

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Days12-16 Review "I was Loved, I helped celebrate, and took a holiday from the Challenge"

I have named these days.... "I was Loved, I celebrated, and took a holiday from the Challenge"

Day 12 - Valentines Day

Fasting Blood Sugar: 177

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Cafe Breakfast Sandwich and MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - Salad from the Cafe 

PM Snack – Cherry Laffy Taffy 

Dinner - Ruth Chris Steak House - Bread, Filet, Baked Potato, Berries with Cream, Soda

Water, Water, Water – 1/2 of a Gallon

Exercise - 50 minute walk at lunch.

Day 12 was a day full of Love! 

When I started the challenge, I knew this day was going to be a splurge and boy oh boy was it! I didn't feel terribly guilty about this day. If only it had stopped there.

Day 13 

Fasting Blood Sugar: 184

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Oatmeal with Brown Sugar and Butter MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - Subway Turkey Sandwich on Flat Bread

Dinner - BJ's -  Mozzarella Sticks, Pepperoni Pizza, Mini Peanut butter Pazzuki, Some Fluffy Drink

Water, Water, Water – 1/4 of a Gallon

Exercise - 1 1/2 hours of scrapping pop corn texture off ceiling

Day 13 was a day for celebrating. Our God-babies Dad celebrated his birthday which was a perfect excuse to celebrate with food. I know terrible rational, however unlike the previous slip up at Arby's I enjoyed every bite of this terrible meal! Every bite!

Day 14

Fasting Blood Sugar: 178

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Frosted Flakes MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - Subway Turkey Sandwich on Flat Bread

Dinner - McDonalds - Chicken Mc Nuggents, French Fries, Coke

Water, Water, Water – 1 16oz bottle

Evening - A couple shots of vodka chased with Soda

Day 14 was the start of the plateau of my terrible decision making for the long weekend! I absolutely hate documenting this! It totally kills me with guilt!!!

Day 15 - Presidents Day Holiday

Fasting Blood Sugar: 190

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Frosted Flakes MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - Del Taco  - Two bites of a hamburger, Med French Fry, Soda

Dinner - Wienerschitzal - Ketchup Dog, Mini Corn Dogs, Reg French Fry, Soda

Water, Water, Water – 1 16oz bottle

Day 15 - and the plateau of awfulness continues - there was a moment as I was eating my hamburger that I realized that it just wasn't worth the calories, the french fries on the other hand were just amazing! As I ate my dinner, my stomach felt so overly filled, and the exhaustion that I was so thankful was gone, returned. I realized just how much things have to change!!

Day 16 - Back to Work 

Fasting Blood Sugar: 178

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Breakfast Sandwich MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - BJ's Chicken Salad tossed with Ranch, Ice Tea

Dinner - Parmesan Chicken Breast, Steam Mixed Veggies, 1 Smashed Red Potato

Water, Water, Water – 3/4 of a gallon

Day 16 - Things are looking up!  I made a much better decision about food for lunch and for dinner tried some new healthy recipes, that were excellent! I am back on the wagon folks! I was able to make it to the market and get food for the remainder of the week which will be really helpful to keep on track. Being prepared with food is really helpful for breaking old habits! 

2/17/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Nothing is better than nap time with this little dude. Diesel loves to play hard, note the layers of dirt on his paw, which can also be found as paw prints on our couch. We found some time to rest on the holiday weekend by napping with open windows, sun, fresh air!

2/16/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

We went to the Improv last night to cerebrate a good friends birthday! There is so much rest in laughter!! It was a most wonderful time!

2/15/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

I know, this doesn't look like rest. It looks like work, which it TOTALLY is! But get this work started provides me rest emotionally. Making this room over, our Master Bedroom helps me release some bad juju and move forward.

2/14/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

Oh how I love this man! We had a most wonderful evening of celebrating Valentines Day! I am so very thankful for him! He has such a strong devotion to me and our marriage. This gives me rest. I really can't imagine one day without him!

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Day 11 Review

Day 11

Fasting Blood Sugar: 132 - Thats 204 Points from when I started!

MSN MAX 3 - Breakfast White Packet of Supplements

Breakfast – Advocare Meal Replacement and MSN MAX3  Colored Packets

MSN MAX 3 - Lunch White Packet of Supplements

Lunch - Tuna, Brown Rice, Green Beans 

PM Snack – Cherry Laffy Taffy 

Dinner - Arby's Child Size Roast Beef, 3 Mozzarella Sticks

Water, Water, Water – 1/2 of a Gallon

Exercise - 50 minute walk at lunch.

Day 11 was a day full of ups and downs!

In the morning I was completely obsessed with the great progress I had made! 

By the time I got ready to go to my guitar class I was a hot mess! Its been a really long time since I was in a classroom setting let alone with a bunch of adult strangers doing something as vulnerable as trying to make music from a shaped piece of wood with steal strings. 

I had intended on going to Chick-fil-a but it was clear on the opposite side of town, and I was running late. 

Then I planned on stopping at In & Out I was really craving a burger. I mean greasy fingers will help move across the strings right? However the drive thru line was clear around the block. 

So I ended up at Arby's where I found very little joy after eating what was previously a comfort food for me. 

The emotional navigation of this process is really exhausting, but worth the effort!

2/13/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

This little dog is such a snuggle bug and I just love it. He is the king at finding moments of rest!

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Results of Phase 1 - The 10 Day Clense

You can read my introduction and motivation for participating in this challenge here.

I find myself pretty speechless this morning.

After completing 10 of the hardest days of my life where eating is concerned, I was nervously eager to see what rewards would come from my effort.

My fasting blood sugar is down 204 points

I have lost 7 pounds

I have lost 13.75 inches

I am breaking my emotional connection to food on a daily basis, and learning to make healthier choices. 

I am experiencing an increase in Energy. 

I am so thankful for the support of my family, friends, and God for this journey and the results.  

Excited to see what the next 14 days hold! 

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Day 10 Review

Day 10

Fasting Blood Sugar: 142

Probiotic Pills & Fiber - DOWN the Hatch!!! Last one!

Breakfast – Advocare Meal Replacement and 1 Omega Plex!

AM Snack – Banana and Peanut Butter

Lunch - Tuna, Green Beans, Brown Rice

PM Snack – Apples 

Dinner- Chicken Breast and Broccoli from El Pollo Loco

Water, Water, Water – 3/4 of a Gallon

Exercise - 30 Minutes of the Rocking Body Disco Groove DVD - It killed me. 40 minute walk at lunch.

Day 10 was a good day! I was really pumped up on it being the last day of the cleanse and I wanted to finish strong.  I was able to really put my head down and stay on target. 

I am starting to feel an increase in energy, which helped motivate me to get some things done at home tonight.

I don't think I realized that my new "Normal" had turned into such a sluggish life style. I am super excited about tapping into feeling better and getting more things done. 

2/12/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

I start my guitar class tonight.
I am taking it from the City of Lakewood's Park and Rec department.

I am pretty nervous and excited at the same time! This was part of my 2014 goals. I wanted to reconnect to my musical self. I played multiple instruments growing up and always enjoyed creating music.

Music generates Rest in my soul.

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Day 9 Review

Day 9

Fasting Blood Sugar: 172

Probiotic Pills & Fiber - Only one more day, Only one more day!

Breakfast – Advocare Meal Replacement and 1 Omega Plex!

AM Snack – Banana and Peanut Butter

PM Snack – Apples and Peanut Butter

Dinner- Side Salad and Oh..it pains me to write this...1/3 order of Bacon and Cheese French Fries

Spazz Moment: 1 Child Size Frosty From Wendy's

Water, Water, Water – ½ Gallon

Day 9 was a day of misery. I got some news that sent me into an emotional tail spin. Not Proud, Not Proud at all! I did realize very quickly into my cheese fries that I was quickly plunging into a Carb hangover and quit eating them. I spent most of the evening trying to keep my eyes open, which was not fun during Bible Study. 

This is going to be a huge thing for me to work on. Everyday on this challenge I have learned more about the emotional connection I have with food. Its rough, and something that is a daily battle. I was in such a cycle of frustration that I didn't eat lunch. In fact nothing even remotely sounded good to eat, especially not what I had brought. 

I am thankful to Ryan that reminded me that tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is the last day of the 10 day cleanse. I will be excited to see the progress in weight and inches on Thursday!

2/11/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

These are my advocare supplements! I kind of love their pretty colors. Seeing results from the program is providing me rest.

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Day 8 Review

Day 8

Fasting Blood Sugar: 176

Probiotic Pills & Fiber – IT’s BACK!!! Oh this Fiber Sludge. I made the mistake of using warm water this morning. Oh for the love of goodness, it was like drinking paste!

Breakfast – Advocare Meal Replacement and 1 Omega Plex!

AM Snack – Banana and Peanut Butter

Lunch – Salad with Hard Boiled Egg and Carrot

PM Snack – Apples and Peanut Butter

Dinner- Cesar Salad, Filet, Broccoli

Spazz Moment: 1 Bite of Pizza

Bedtime Snack – 4 Tablespoons of Peanut Butter

Water, Water, Water – ½ Gallon

Exercise: Rockin Body Mark Move and Groove (15 Minutes) Video, Rockin Body Party Express Video (30 Minutes), and I Walked at lunch (40 Minutes)

Day 8 was a pretty great day! I did completely crumble and have a bite of Pizza. It’s a weak spot for me! But I countered that my increase in exercise would make it a little better. I found myself truly hungry today in the evening and splurged a little on Peanut Butter. I am sure this will not be good either.  Im going to try to stay away from an evening snack. 

2/10/2014 CY365 One Little Word Rest

I have a new obsession…owls!
I just love this little guy that is part of Valentines Day Decor.
My grandma collected Owls, when I see them I remember her, which are memories that I rest in.

Advocare 24 Day Challenge - Day 7 Review

Day 7

Fasting Blood Sugar: 160

Probiotic Pills

Breakfast – Advocare Meal Replacement and 1 Omega Plex!

AM Snack – Two Hard Boiled Eggs

PM Snack – Pineapple and Peanut Butter, 3 Tostido Scoop Chips

Dinner- Chicken, Mixed Veggies, Piece of Garlic Bread, Pineapple

Herbal Cleanse Pack – More of the Magic Pills.

Water, Water, Water – ½ Gallon

Evening Snack – Pineapple and Peanut Butter

Today was kind of crazy! I had booked us solid in our schedule which was great fun, however I didn't fare to well making sure that I had what I needed to eat with me.

I made some poor decisions: No Lunch, Pineapple, Tostido Chips, Garlic Bread, Evening Snack Choice, but they were better bad decisions than I normally make! Baby Steps Y’all Baby Steps!